An Introverts Guide to Making Friends

Passiveobservher
3 min readMay 6, 2024

How to make friends as an introverted Adult.

It takes two minutes for a person to decide to be friends with you or pass.

Well, that would have been a lovely intro but not according to research. I’ll tell you what research says if you stay to the end.

Believe it or not, I spent almost three years at the university alone, and without meaningful connections.

Half of that time was spent trying to convince myself that I didn’t need friends and was sufficient all by myself. To tell the truth, I was slowly slipping into depression and patting myself on the back for it.

I wish I knew what I know now.

Making friends as an introvert shouldn’t be as difficult as it is.

For one, get rid of your self-sabotage that people would never get to like you or find you interesting if they knew who you are. Everyone has flaws, people who move on to make friends know this and have accepted that they aren’t perfect.

Accept yourself, warts and all. That’s the first step to drawing people in. Let go of all that self-consciousness, it’s holding you back. Whenever you meet someone new, always think positively. Tell yourself, “They’re going to like me”.

Constantly reminding yourself that people would like you clears your overly conscious mind of negative energy and helps you interact well with other people.

Something I tell myself that helps me avoid any negative energy coming from me is, “God would give me favor with those who are supposed to be in my life”. It helps me to get rid of excess self-consciousness and know that if a friendship did not work out, it wasn’t my fault, to a certain degree.

Next, become a person of value. Get yourself some hobbies, learn a language, play sports, be a bookworm, be a helping hand, etc. People love value and value often attracts value.

Now, the proven and tested guide to making friends as an introvert.

You’ve probably heard this a lot of times (check the picture below)

Pinterest

Yes! 100% how I make my friends.

If you want to make friends quickly as an introvert, find one valuable extrovert, and your journey is 80% made. The remaining 20% is pouring out the value in you, so they won’t ever leave — which isn’t a problem.

Becoming friends with an extrovert has its many benefits. One is the VIP access to their friends, which is usually almost everyone. The next is learning how to make small talk, which is a valuable skill. Making small talk with people has given me so much valuable information and I’m much better for it.

I know introverts worry about making meaningless conversations and would love to have heartfelt deep connections with people, but who says those small talks can’t lead to something more in-depth? Let the conversation start shallowly, and then pull it deeper.

So yeah, in summary: Get rid of your self-sabotage and find yourself an extrovert.

I would have written on how to find fellow introverted friends, but the article is getting too long.

As I promised, research says it takes about roughly 50 hours of time together to move from mere acquaintance to casual friend, 90 hours to go from that stage to simple “friend” status, and more than 200 hours of face-to-face interaction spread out over a three-month period to make a good friend.

That’s interesting to know, isn’t it?

Till next time,

Love and light.

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Passiveobservher

Welcome to my medium page, I'm genuinely glad to have you here. I just began writing recently with hopes of sharing knowledge with you.