How Are You? Really.
How is the weather inside you?
My sister asked me by 5:04 in the morning, how are you doing? When I received the text, I didn’t bother responding because everything was already going wrong by 5 am in the morning.
I replied by 8:23 in the evening, I’m doing good, along with my crazy experience that day. Then I asked her, how are you doing? which she completely ignored because well, life happens.
It’s crazy that this question is part of greetings.
Hey. It's so good to meet you again, how are you?
Then we smile and say: I’m doing good, how are you?
I had a friend who always asked me this question. How are you really?. Back then, I felt genuinely vulnerable enough to sometimes pour out my struggles during our conversations. It felt good, not because I needed them to process the valleys of my life, it was just for the support and the need to not be alone in the struggle.
As time went on, I noticed that she never really dumped her own struggles on me. I wanted her to, I wanted to share the burdens with her. She asks me the question but doesn’t genuinely respond when I ask it back.
So I stopped venting. I wasn't the only one with problems and if she wasn't comfortable sharing hers, maybe I also shouldn't share mine at all.
How are you doing? I'm gooddddd, how are you?
And then our conversation heads on to other beautiful things of life. That’s what everyone wants to hear, so I’m going to do just that, with a smile on my face.
Everyone has their own difficulties in life but what I learned from this incident is not to vent when asked how I was. If you keep venting, people are going to think: she always has some form of problems, and avoid having conversations with you.
Which is the right thing for them to do because, let’s reason it, I don’t want to be having a good time and someone dumps their struggles on me. I have struggles too baby and I ignored it all to have this little breath of fresh air. But why do we ask this question when we aren’t ready for the answer.
I mean, think about the drastic increase in suicide rate in the last few years. Many people just needed a safe space to break down and cry out for help. We all feign happiness on social media, and someone struggling with depression could easily drown in all those smiling faces, thinking that something is wrong with them because they are constantly sad.
Recently, I've been seeing people say that they prefer to disappear when things are going south in their lives and then reappear when everything is good. I relate to it.
We are a generation who can't afford to be an inconvenience to another person during our time of struggle. Nobody must see us sad. We would rather pay money to talk to a stranger to process what we feel and think.
I'm all for therapy, but what happened to brotherhood?
I’m as guilty as anyone else. Why do I speak on this subject when I get so self-absorbed that I don’t notice the struggles of people around me.
I'm just saying that sometimes we need to be a little more intentional when asking this question, How are you doing? And be ready for the answer too.
So let me sincerely ask:
how are you really?
Till next time,
Love and light from Amaka.
