I’m Scared To Give You My Heart
Love in a midsummer night
I’m at a crossroads. You’ve asked for my heart and I’m scared to give it to you.
I’m scared to give you my heart because I’m the only protector it has ever known. It’s as solid as a rock, yet fragile as glass.
What if it falls from your hands and breaks into millions of tiny fragments? I’ll be the only one on my knees, gathering the broken pieces.
What if you can’t bear the weight of the rock? I wouldn’t find it pleasant to see you struggle under my weight.
What if you never cherish my heart? You would never know how many nights I sat in the dark with tears streaming down my face and my shaky hands trying to glue together cracked pieces of my heart that were threatening to fall apart.
It’s still a mystery to me how you brought down the walls that defended me. This was an impossible mission for everyone else. I still remember the monotonous replies I gave you when we first met at the vendor stand, where I was trying to sell jewelry for a friend.
It was in the smile I saw you wear when I looked up, so wide I thought it would reach your ears if you tried harder. It was in the kindness I saw in your dark brown eyes when you offered to help me pack up my merchandise.
My defenses went up and I replied like a cranky old lady in a hurry to get rid of you. From the first moment, you were always a threat.
Meeting you was like listening to a song for the first time and knowing it would be my favorite.
I like how intentional you were in being my friend. I would have given up if I were you because creature knows that you didn’t deserve the stress I put you through all in a bid to get rid of you.
But you stayed.
You didn’t ask anything from me, you just wanted to always be by my side. To be the shoulder I cried on, to be the first to see me smile from good news. You wanted to be the one who answered my difficult questions and admired my hulky laughter.
As an introvert who does a lot of listening when she’s with people, I’m certain that I’ve spoken more words in these few months than I have in the last five years.
I wonder how you listen to all my jist about K-drama and some 1990s books I read.
I have no problem with you as a friend, but now you’ve asked for my heart.
And I’m scared.
