How to heal when you’re disappointed in yourself
Do you ever feel like some small bounts of your life try to drown you in disappointment? Maybe you’ve been job hunting for months and every corner you turn to seems to scream “We regret to inform you…”. Maybe you tried having a relationship and everyone you like seems to be taken. You started a business but had to shut it down six months later. Or you flunked an exam.
I’m talking about self-disappointment here. Not disappointment in others, but yourself.
In Spiderman No Way Home, AJ made a statement, “Expect disappointment and you will never get disappointed”
No expectations, no disappointment right? I mean, this works when it’s people who disappoint you but how do you navigate disappointment in yourself? You can never stop expecting greatness from yourself. You can never stop seeing yourself as someone worth more. Which is a good thing.
Disappointment can be hard to navigate. I’m sure you’ve had those depressing times of disappointment when you let yourself down. The writer of ecclesiastics definitely understands.
Ecclesiastes 3: 1&4
To everything, there is a season,
A time for every purpose under heaven.
A time to weep,
And a time to laugh;
A time to mourn,
And a time to dance;
So maybe you’re in your time of weeping or mourning for yourself. Everywhere you turn seems to be a closed door that opens to only a few people, and you start to wonder if you’re good enough.
I’ll tell you how I process disappointments, especially in myself. It might not be the right way for you but hear me out. I replay the disappointing scene over and over again like a videotape in my mind.
While on repeat, I gather information on what really happened or why I wasn’t chosen. I try to understand the action from the place of the offensive and I evaluate my response.
Most times, I find that the judgments coming from the offensive are right. I got turned down from a job because I hadn’t built enough capacity for it. You didn’t get that scholarship because someone else was more qualified than you. You didn’t get that smart tech bro because you’re not his type.
Introspection can be sour but it produces the most beautiful truth.
So what do you do with the information you have now received after introspecting?
You make decisions! Decide to be the smartest person in the room. Decide that you are going to be so good you won’t have to introduce yourself. Decide to take care of your appearance. Decide to love yourself. Start working on whatever you decide to do until you become what you want. Those closed doors will open up to you when you become what you want.
Staying positive doesn’t mean you have to be happy all the time. It means that even on hard days, you know there are better days to come.
Another place where I draw strength is my place in Christ Jesus. He is my source of peace when I am troubled and anxious. I remain and bask in His unending love for me.
So two things I advise in your period of disappointments are introspection and finding peace in Christ.
Till next time, Love and light.